There's a movement happening right now (pun intended), and it's a HUGE piece of the puzzle when it comes to living your truest life AND enhancing all the hard work and hyper-focused intention you've led from for so long, and that's PLAY.
Before you write off what I have to say next, or tell yourself you "don't have the time" (if I hear one more person say that...... cue the eye roll), or get flustered and go on the defensive (probably because on some level you either know it's true OR you're resentful that YOU "don't have the time"), let's think about this for a minute. What COULD play have to do with authenticity? How could it allow you to show up more confidently, more effortlessly? And does play just mean doing silly, pointless activities,
or is there more to it (Yes AND there's definitely more to it)?
What does play mean to you? And.... if you don't have an answer for this we can take a step back and ask, what does play look like to you? See, play isn't just our imaginations engaged in creative ideas or role-playing, or dressing up. It's a whole slew of things. For instance, some of my favorite ways to experience play are to engage in existential conversations with others (curiosity), being outdoors (nature and presence), listening to music specifically geared towards how I want to FEEL in the moment (music and presence), sitting facing the east facing sun in the morning with a good book, cup of coffee, and listening to the birds chatter. And there are SO many ways we can experience play. But before we get to that, let's think about what play is.
Dr. Peter Gray defines play as "self-chosen and self-directed; intrinsically motivated; guided by mental rules; imaginative; and conducted in an active, alert, but relatively non-stressed frame of mind". That leaves a lot of room for what play looks like, right? AND there are different types of play - Some of which are 1) Rough and Tumble play (like a majority of sports or tag), 2) Ritual play (think birthday parties, holiday dinners and wedding receptions), 3) Imaginative play (things like story-telling and role playing), 4) Body play (things we do that create a sense of feeling alive and in awe of what our bodies can do - for me, that's cardio drumming) and 5) Object play (such as playing with toys, skipping rocks, or putting together a puzzle). So, again, why is play so important when it comes to being authentic? AND what can play do to help your growth journey (whether personal or professional or something in between) be more fulfilling, without feeling so heavy and hard (I mean, the last part of that question kind of answers itself, doesn't it)?
If you're working on your life, you're probably trying to DO a lot of things. Create new habits. Shift your mindset. Take different action(s).
Reprogram your thoughts.
Challenge your thinking. Get outside of your comfort zone. And all of that is well and good.
But somehow, in the midst of all this good, sometimes you still feel like it's all too much, or just one more thing to do, or the whole process just seems void of JOY. Well, as a friend once said to me, "of course". OF COURSE it all feels like a lot. What are you doing to create space? What are you doing to ENJOY yourself? How are you allowing yourself to be delighted and surprised?
Where are you making room for the answers to arrive, instead of putting yourself in charge of finding or creating EVERY SINGLE ONE for yourself? Ahhhhh...... does it make more sense now?
You're literally making yourself the end all, be all of the process, Babe. Which is hard work. And it can be exhausting work too (let alone the fact that it's encouraging that little habit that isn't as helpful as we'd like to believe - CONTROL). So how are you filling your cup back up in a way that speaks to your soul? While you're having to create more answers to the questions you're exploring, how are you inviting and enhancing your creative process? Where are you stepping back from the situation and allowing different perspectives, and stumbling on the common threads in seemingly unrelated experiences? Where are you inviting connection, with others AND yourself, so this whole chapter doesn't create isolation (which leads to a whole slew of issues).
See YOU are the most important part of all of this. While you're creating change in your life, it's ESSENTIAL that you infuse YOURSELF into every area of your life. Take that course. Start that business. Attend that conference. Pursue that promotion. Dive into a new hobby. But worry a little less about "doing it like everyone else", and start to get curious and identify how you can do it YOUR way. Use the basic template AND sprinkle elements of yourself into the process.
Take a minute and think about the things in your life that bring you joy. And while it might be your spouse or your kids or your pet, try to look beyond that. What moments light you up? What experiences make you feel alive? What times in your life can you literally tap into when you think about them, that bring a twinkle to your eye and put a pep in your step? When you can clearly identify those moments, think about what it is about THOSE experiences that brought joy and pleasure to your being. Was it the environment? The person you were with? The activity you were participating in? Something else? Find the common theme here - cause that's your clue, the one that will help you tap into a more joyful, ease-filled way of being.
And back to that SURPRISE piece - How often do you allow yourself to be delighted and surprised by what happens next (instead of having to figure things out or needing to know the answers because uncertainty and unknowing make your skin crawl)? See, control and the need to know (believe me, they're VERY closely related) are NOT serving you. And they're definitely not making anything easier on you. Quite the opposite. And while it IS hard to let go (until it's not) in almost every area of your life, it's in the letting go that we find more ease, more trust, more security. Not because we know all the things, but because we start to realize we're not responsible for knowing all the things. We quit anticipating and predicting and controlling and start to allow other people, places, and experiences to show up and SUPPORT US. And you know what else THAT contributes to? Connection and Community - another big piece of what we need in order to thrive as humans (but that's a conversation for another day).
You're probably wondering why I haven't told you EXACTLY how it looks, or what the specific steps are in being your most authentic self, or how to play, or how to create joy. So here's a little secret - I can't tell you. It's something you have to discover for yourself. Something you have to start to get curious around, lean into, and allow. Something you have to MAKE time for AND......... *DUN Dun dun*....... it's a PROCESS.
There is no instant answer, no clear path, no obvious way to do it. Each person has to discover it for themselves (p.s. that's a BIG part in learning to trust yourself AND the process) AND it will look different not only for everyone, but in different chapters and moments too. What I CAN do for you is ask you the questions you're not asking yourself so that YOU can start to uncover the answers about who you are, what you need, and where you want to be.
So, consider this your baby step into accepting the unknown, into letting go of your need to control and KNOW, into trusting yourself and what's for you just a little bit, and letting the discomfort of all that be okay long enough that it starts become familiar, and a little less scary, and a lot more enticing and surprising. Let this chapter bring you closer to yourself, and help you create ways to BE and LIVE more. Use your curiosity to unlock the answers you have about YOU, and inform the process of becoming more authentic along the way. Cause THAT is the most amazing gift you can give yourself (and others).
All my love 💗