Some of you know me enough by now to know that I'm constantly taking in new information. It feeds my soul. It challenges my perspective. It helps me deepen my clarity around who I am, what I stand for, and how I am meant to show up in the world. It helps me better understand, accept, and empower others.
Recently I updated my AirBnB profile (for those of you that don't know I'm also an AirBnB host AND hosting out of my home is what led me to Life Coaching). One of the entries in the new profile asks you to fill in this question: "My biography title". If I had to name my biography anything, it would be this - "The other day I was reading about/listening to.....". So it's only fitting that this entire blog post centers around something I was listening to the other day.
I was listening to my (new, favorite) podcast and something she said really struck me,
"If I want to grow I have to hold the boundaries around my space".
The timing of this was perfect, for so many reasons (including the fact that our lessons are ALWAYS right on time). Here are a few of the reasons this resonated so deeply AND why I'm leaning into this "lesson" so strongly.
. Here are a few of the reasons this resonated so deeply AND why I'm leaning into this "lesson" so strongly.
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1) I entered October with a lot of space (in my calendar). I set a big goal of being on 30 podcast interviews in 30 days during the month. (P.S. How it's going..... So good! It's teaching me a LOT, and requiring me to show up in new ways. I'm nailing down my language for a recent shift in my coaching AND getting in front of so many of the right spaces that I wouldn't have gotten in front of otherwise, at least not nearly as quickly). That being said, I still need to line up about 20 more interviews. If you know anyone I should connect with, please reach out or connect us). 2) Just a couple weeks ago I attended the Rockstar Woman Brunch. If you've been, you know Shannon goes all out with the message, the inspiration, making you feel special, creating connection and community, building in inspiration, and the BRUNCH BOXES (the gifts are next, next, NEXT level). Not only was I blown away by the message (fellow Rockstars, YOU remember - #immadoitanyway ernergy), and showered with amazing gifts, this years brunch was pivotal. It was the 5 year anniversary of the Rockstar Woman Brunch, to which we all received the traditional 5 year anniversary gift - wood. And not just wood, but every person in physical attendance received a small tree to plant - symbolizing long-lasting strength, wisdom and forgiveness. To me it also speaks to growth, resilience, and weathering different seasons. 3) I have several plants around my home that I've had for a while, and I've noticed that it's time to re-pot some of them. They've outgrown their "space". It's affecting their ability to grow and thrive. And it feels like transferring to their new "homes" would be incredibly symbolic of the messages I'm experiencing right now.
I say all of this to say....... what, exactly???
Let's go back to the baby tree for a minute.
It's been 2 weeks since we got our trees at the Rockstar Woman Brunch. I promise, I promise - I'm taking care of her in the meantime. I've been trying to satisfy "her" (and myself) by putting her among the other lovely plants in my home. Biding my time to plant her until I can do it in a way that honors her. How does that translate to what WE need in order to grow, to create space, take up space? I'm so glad you asked........
We don't live in our forever home, so wherever I plant her will be for someone else's future appreciation and benefit. As much as I'd love to plant her close to the landscaping near the deck, I know that her roots and her branches will need space to expand and grow into. As much as I'd love to put her someplace cute, that wouldn't honor her purpose or her needs. As much as I want to keep her in an easy line of sight (so I can check on her, conveniently), I know that I need to think through where she's planted intentionally, do my due diligence in determining what that looks like, move her to her new space, and trust the process of her growth (while doing my part).
Did you pick up on the key parts in that process?
1) She needs space to expand and grow INTO
2) Where she is, and/or is going needs to honor her core purpose and needs
3) I have to trust the process AND do my part (not manipulate it with control or perfection)
If I wait to long to plant her, she won't die (well, she could, but I won't let that happen). But her foundation will become root-bound. At some point she'll cease to grow, and her vibrancy and purpose will diminish. There's something else here that's incredibly important about trees especially, that translates to our own growth too. When you see someone in present day, you're seeing their "branches". But what you see is only a fraction of what they've given themselves space to grow into AND of the foundations they've built to become this version of themselves.
Remember the quote I shared above? "If I want to grow I have to hold the boundaries around my space". Your boundaries aren't just what separate you from others, they aren't just what speak to your preferences, or symbolic of where someone else "ends" and you "begin". To me, the most important function of boundaries is keeping us in our integrity, as an individual. How do you best show up? What serves your highest purpose? What keeps you aligned with your goals? How do you honor your core values? What makes you unique and necessary and original? What allows you to belong to YOURSELF? The answers to those questions and the actions that HONOR those answers are what allow you to stay in your integrity. They're the boundaries you need to set (with yourself AND others) in order to show up as your best self.
When we think about what we want to grow into, when we think about what we need in order to cultivate a nurturing, enriching environment (for ourselves) to serve that purpose, when we think about expanding our capacity, it becomes more and more clear that staying as we are, going through the same motions, working the same habits, and using the same information won't create the change we're reaching for.
What else will come to the surface as we reflect more on our want, nay, our NEED to grow into the next versions of our ourselves? That something (or things) will have to change/dissolve/expand/shift in order to make space for that next version of yourself. That we won't achieve change without changing something (Einstein said it best, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"). Why do we continue to move through life with the same thoughts and habits, without stopping to determine whether or not they're serving the version of ourselves we're meant to grow into?
I know just as much as the next person how uncomfortable growth can be. How uncomfortable even the thought of growth can be. It challenges your identity. It makes us uncomfortable. It upsets the dynamic that exists between ourselves and others. It's scary because it's unknown and it's CHANGE. Don't you see? That scariness, that discomfort, the unsettling........ they're each only one side of a coin. On the other side of taking a risk on yourself, on the risk of WHAT COULD BE, you have the opportunity to experience the greatest rewards. But first? You have to disrupt the here and now.
Take a risk on yourself. You ARE capable now. You're letting your want for control and perfection get in the way of your expansion and becoming. Let go. Be yourself. Do the thing. You've got this.
- All my love 💗