Show me someone avoiding their feelings about the current situation, and I’ll show you someone struggling to reconcile their conflicting identities. And there's no place that seems to be more rampant than in the realm of women trying to create "BALANCE" between their personal and professional lives. First things first, let's get something straight. Even as I wrote Life-Work balance, it felt...... off. Why?!? More often than not I've heard it said "Work-Life", with work FIRST. Which is sooooo interesting because work is NOT who or what we are all of the time. But LIFE?!? Well, that NEVER goes away. It's always there (whether we acknowledge it or not), shaping us, speaking to us, PLEADING with us to sit up, take notice, and LIVE.
We continue to approach the areas of our lives as if they are separate. That's no accident. That's what's been modeled to us. It's how we've approached things for a LONG time. And changing these types of things takes time, awareness, and usually a general permission to do things differently (which means SOMEONE has to go first, and show us that it's safe - i.e. that you won't DIE in the process). I get the appeal of life-work balance (and yes, I'm going to keep saying LIFE first, to model prioritizing that part of yourself). But it's a slippery slope of striving for something in a way that leaves out the KEY ingredient to making it all work - YOU! We're so busy looking at how everyone else is doing it, at trying to model the habits, actions, and behaviors that others are taking, that we more often than not fail to even consider, let alone prioritize, how to make it work FOR us. And if we do take the time to consider what's important to us, or what's a good fit for us, we spend so much time worrying and overthinking whether or not we're "doing it right" that the end result couldn't be any more removed from what we were actually hoping for (in fact we're more likely to feel further away from the goal, if anything).
This may come as a bit of a surprise, but YOU know better than anyone else how to harness the unique needs, feelings, priorities, and outcomes for YOURSELF. What's missing is your ability to truly tune-in to yourself long enough to sort through the discomfort, the plethora of feelings, and clashing identities you're currently carrying. What you're short-changing yourself in is the superpower of self-trust. As if letting everyone else's opinion of what you should and shouldn't do (and HOW you should do it) has more relevance than what YOU need, what YOU want. Which means you're also missing out on the grounded confidence that comes with listening to yourself and trusting yourself. But all is not lost.
Harmony to the rescue........
Take a minute and think about any time in your life you've been witness to live music - whether a band playing at a bar, a symphony in a grand hall, or even a high school band event. How many "moving parts" are involved in these performances? It's not just the instruments, it's the players. It's not just the band or the symphony, it's the maestro. It's not just playing the instruments that is key, but the tuning of the instruments and the ongoing practice that refines the performance. It's not just those playing the instruments that determine the quality of the sound and experience, but the energy of the space, the acoustics, and the participation of the audience.
Creating harmony in your life is exactly the same. There are sooooo many moving parts to consider, and the ONLY thing they share in common also happens to be the one thing that can harness all of the information presented while most accurately guiding all of them best suited to your desired outcome - and that's YOU.
That doesn't mean there won't be "mistakes" or hiccups, or moments of hardship or discomfort. What is DOES mean is that every single dynamic is feeding information to you, which you can either consider, or ignore. But the amount of information you CHOOSE to use is directly related to how aligned the outcome of the situation is to you and what you want and/or need. AND, the information you can perceive is also directly related to your personal awareness and emotional intelligence. In other words, how well you recognize, understand, manage, and navigate the things you FEEL.
And those feelings - Most of us treat them like they're something to avoid. We get so caught up in how uncomfortable they are, or busy labeling them as "good", "bad", "right", "wrong", and even wondering when the other shoe will drop (foreboding joy, anyone?) that we refuse to do the very thing that will help us use them as the thing they truly are - INFORMATION - which is meant to INFORM us.
What you feel and observe is meant to directly inform and guide you to the best outcomes for YOU. And it's not your job to make sure the process is perfect, but rather that the moving parts "play well together". You can't (and shouldn't) control every dynamic of a situation. What you CAN do is control your own thoughts and actions, which includes how much you choose to resist or force versus accepting things as they are, and choosing what you will do differently.
The harmony comes in accepting things for what they are and listening to, paying attention to, practicing, and fine-tuning. You can't fine-tune something without first recognizing and being honest about what it currently is. There's never a monumental point of arrival where you "achieve" balance. That implies that any moment of our lives, along with all the dynamics of its creation and existence could have the same outcome for more than a nano-second. Rather life is an ongoing practice of moving things around, highlighting them, fading them in & out, and calling on them in the exact moment they're needed, & letting them go at the appropriate time.
Harmony calls forth an image of dynamics "playing well together" in a way that balance doesn't accurately represent. AND harmony also removes the ridiculous expectation that life can be done perfectly. Plus there's the immense amount of implied pressure that comes with that perfect approach to everything. Because we're all not already struggling with enough perfectionism in every other area?!? NO THANK YOU.
As we close, friends, I leave you with this. There are many "instruments" playing in your life - from feelings to thoughts to people, all informing you about what's important and relevant to YOU. You are the filter for these things. And you get to decide whether you put your time and energy into resisting the reality of the situation, forcing something to be what it isn't, or accepting it for what it is then choosing what you'll do with it. The more honest you can be with yourself, the more accepting of the situation, the quicker you'll be able to navigate the experience in a way that honors who you truly are, #soulshine and all, and re-prioritize using your time and energy to build a life full of purpose, on purpose.
All my love 💗