Last week I was able to sit in a room with a handful of resilient women (okay, we were on a zoom call - but these days we all know that counts as "being in a room") and guide them through a Breakdown to Breakthrough session. I think we can all forget sometimes how much value and importance there is in peeling back the layers and getting curious about why and where we're stuck. And being in that room with those women was a beautiful reminder of what we actually gain when we're willing to get still, focus on discovery, and connect with others around what we're facing.
I've watched the paths of so many souls evolve, including my own, and I'll never be able to fully express exactly how grateful I am for the privilege of witnessing these women circle back to themselves, of unlocking new versions of themselves they forgot existed, of choosing who they want to become instead of letting their pasts define them.
What did I notice the most during our class? How these women brought such beautiful grace and support and encouragement and wisdom to each other. How all of a sudden they realized they weren't alone in challenge. Their path and their feelings and their desires were valid. They had permission to express what felt heavy or hard or scary or frustrating. The interesting piece here? All of those things are exactly what we so often neglect to give *to ourselves*. Because we're too busy thinking we should have the answers or be able to "do it right", or commit ourselves to the path of MOST resistance (Because we "have" to struggle? Hard Pass.) instead of giving ourselves the grace and permission to find flow and ease and TRUST, in ourselves.
And still, there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of us. We're not wrong for forgetting to give ourselves the grace and permission we give others. We are who we are, in this moment. The things in our past are a part of our path. That doesn't mean they have to define who we are moving forward. We get to decide, to CHOOSE, who we are, who we are going to be. And we get to choose to give ourselves more love, light, and grace, in any moment.
There's a lot of programming that's happened in our lifetime. The fun thing about programming? You can change it. Eureka! Who knew?!? So let's spend less time beating ourselves up and harassing ourselves and more time acknowledging who we actually are, how we feel, and what we want to lean into.
Breaking down to Breakthrough is about taking the time to sit with and get curious around what you're facing, what feels heavy, where you're experiencing resistance, how you're FEELING (yeah, that's a big one around here - feeling your feelings). It's stepping back a bit, getting a different perspective on things and using discovery to uncover the how's and why's, acknowledging the stories you're telling yourself, then remembering that YOU are the author and creator and you can rewrite anything at any time.
It's acknowledging the feelings and emotions you might be trying to deny or push down or avoid. It's giving yourself a space to allow all of those things to come forward and giving them the love and light they crave. Because unmet needs don't vanish. They compound and fester and build until they implode (or explode). Around here that's what we call "hitting a wall". And you, my dear, do not have to hit the wall.
You can learn to recognize where the walls are, how far away they are, what slingshots you at them, and what helps you avoid them entirely. You can learn to love and appreciate ALL parts of you. You can build awareness around your capacity (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially). You can learn to create and allow space in your life. You can learn to love and appreciate ALL parts of you. You can get real and honest with yourself and what is and isn't working, and give yourself the permission to let go of what isn't working for you while leaning into what is. You can. But *will you*? Now that, THAT is the question.
Part of breaking through is the realization of what IS possible, where you WANT to be, after the discovery process of what's important to you and what feels stuck. It's using the information you learn about yourself to put together a plan and give yourself the permission you so quickly extend to others (but neglect to give yourself). It's seeing your situation through a different lens, checking your blind spots and shifting into solutions instead of hyper-focusing on the problems.
It's a shift in language (I can't tell you HOW important this piece is), of saying "I haven't figured out _________ yet" (instead of I plain won't figure it out). It's recognizing that you're more then your thinking self and giving yourself permission to not be in the thing that feels like a problem every waking second of your day, of allowing the other pieces of you to exist alongside the thoughts - to experience your feeling self, your playful self, your sensual self, your radiant self WITH your evolving, thinking self.
It's the practice and process of learning to trust yourself, your decisions, your purpose, and leaning into those things as life unfolds. Of letting go of control and hyper-independence, and being the keeper of ALL the things (of being an island, really) in order to acclimate to a way of being where you honor you, your integrity and your authenticity in way that breathes life into you AND others, of allowing support (*GASP*).
You don't gain confidence and trust in yourself and your path by controlling and doing things perfectly. You do it by choosing to accept everything that you are, then aligning your thoughts and actions with the things that are most important to you. It's not saying yes to everyone and everything. It's saying yes to yourself, and allowing the people, spaces and opportunities that reflect what's important to you to align with you - you know, finding "your people".
Breaking through isn't some herculean effort or experience, it's the thoughts, decisions, and actions that happen on a micro level on a day to day basis.
When you look at it that way, what thoughts and decisions could you shift today that would bring you closer to ease, joy, and flow - in other words, closer to yourself? I find that the easiest way to do this is to build a hierarchy of "qualifiers" for making your decisions. It's knowing your core values, your emotional goals (who knew?!?), and what the future best version of yourself is, then taking aligned action with that information.
And please remember - all of this is......a process. It most likely won't happen overnight (but if it does.... oh boy, are you on to something). It will take time. It will take trust. It will take patience, and grace, and love. Lots and lots of love. But that's okay because if there's anything I know it's that YOU are worth loving. And you're especially worth loving by yourself.
-All my love
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